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I don't know where this comes from but I found it at Weight Watchers today. I read it to the meeting. I had to share it. Enjoy.
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Q: Doctor, I’ve heard that cardiovascular exercise can prolong life; is this true?
A: Your heart is only good for so many beats, and that’s it… don’t
waste them on exercise. Everything wears out eventually. Speeding up
your heart will not make you live longer; that’s like saying you can
extend the life of your car by driving it faster. Want to live longer?
Take a nap.
Q: Should I cut down on meat and eat more fruits and vegetables?
A: You must grasp logistical efficiencies. What does a cow eat? Hay
and corn. And what are these? Vegetables. So a steak is nothing more
than an efficient mechanism of delivering vegetables to your system.
Need grain? Eat chicken. Beef is also a good source of field grass
(green leafy vegetable). And a pork chop can give you 100% of your
recommended daily allowance of vegetable products.
Q: Should I reduce my alcohol intake?
A: No,
not at all. Wine is made from fruit. Brandy is distilled wine, that
means they take the water out of the fruity bit so you get even more of
the goodness that way. Beer is also made out of grain. Bottoms up!
Q: How can I calculate my body/fat ratio?
A: Well, if you have a body and you have fat, your ratio is one to one. If you have two bodies, your ratio is two to one, etc.
Q: What are some of the advantages of participating in a regular exercise program?
A: Can’t think of a single one, sorry. My philosophy is: No Pain…Good!
Q: Aren’t fried foods bad for you?
A: YOU’RE
NOT LISTENING!!! …. Foods are fried these days in vegetable oil. In
fact, they’re permeated in it. How could getting more vegetables be bad
for you?
Q: Will sit-ups help prevent me from getting a little soft around the middle?
A: Definitely not! When you exercise a muscle, it gets bigger. You should only be doing sit-ups if you want a bigger stomach.
Q: Is chocolate bad for me?
A: Are you crazy? HELLO – Cocoa beans! Another vegetable!!! It’s the best feel-good food around!
Q: Is swimming good for your figure?
A: If swimming is good for your figure, explain whales to me.
Q: Is getting in-shape important for my lifestyle?
A: Hey! ‘Round’ is a shape!
Well, I hope this has cleared up any misconceptions you may have had about food and diets.
AND…..
For those of you who watch what you eat, here’s the final word on
nutrition and health. It’s a relief to know the truth after all those
conflicting nutritional studies.
1. The Japanese eat very little fat and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.
2. The Mexicans eat a lot of fat and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.
3. The Chinese drink very little red wine and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.
4. The Italians drink a lot of red wine and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans..
5. The Germans drink a lot of beers and eat lots of sausages and fats and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.
CONCLUSION
Eat and drink what you like. Speaking English is apparently what kills you.
Nope, neither do I! I went clothes "shopping" in the dark side of the closet; that section where old too-thin clothes go to hide and you say, "One of these days I'll get back into it." Well, it looks like "one of these days" was today for a nice blue pair of pants I really like!
After five weeks of following the new Weight Watchers Momentum Plan,
when I weighed in last week (my weigh in day is Tuesday), I had lost
another pound, making the grand total eight pounds!!! They say a safe
weight loss is 1-2 pounds a week and, despite the plateau for weeks 2,
3, 4, I'm doing just about the average.
I stood on the scale this morning and had to do a double take. I don't
get on the scale as much as I used to because I found myself obsessing
on it. If the loss is less than I am expecting, I feel bad and say, "Screw it, might as well eat…" If I'm doing well, I say, "Wow! I've got room to move. I can get a little sloppy." Either path leads to the kitchen, and before you know it, I'm eating again. So, I stay off the scale…mostly.
Since my weigh in day is Tuesday, I do tend to get a little antsy on Mondays, so I got on the scale this morning and couldn't believe my eyes! Lately, my morning naked weight (you know, trying to get the lowest possible number) had been around 184-186, which was too high. I got on the program again because early December, it got to 189 and that was just too freakin' scary. When I'm doing real well, my morning weight will be about 180-182. This morning, it was 178! I thought, "What? Is the scale broken?" I got off and on it three times just to make sure. It hasn't been under 180 in as long as I can remember!
Granted, since it seems appropriate to remove all my clothes for my Weight Watchers weigh in, I'll weigh four or five pound more. Still, it's all relative, isn't it?
So, what to do?
Well, the first thing is to run to the closet and dig into the way-back machine of clothing that's too frustrating to put on. There are about four or five shirts I used to like but the buttons pull across my chest or stomach now and it looks tacky. Not to mention, it reminds me that I need to lose weight. I also have about two or three pair of pants back there. The price for wearing them is that I must give up my attachment to breathing.
I tried on the brown ones; nice chocolate color and — without holding my breath or lying on the bed — they slipped right on but are a little short; a sign that I need to lose about two or three more pounds before I venture into the world wearing them. I could have but who needs to be self conscious all day because my pant legs are riding above my ankles? (We used to call those "high waters" when I was a kid and I hated it then.) So, I pulled out the blue ones; lo and behold – marvelous fit and the correct length. I can bend over and breathe! Praise the saints!
Well, with that victory under my belt (literally and figuratively), I needed a shirt and found one of my old favorites. It's been so long that I forgot I even had it. So, I'm wearing a Nehru jacket! (Naw, just joking, it hasn't been that long…) I found a blue and white vertical striped shirt with white color that I used to just love. Wearing it — with a dark blue tie. Looking and feeling fine!
Oh yeah, the coup de grace; I had to go down another notch in my belt!
In case you want to know a whole heck of a lot about the science of weight loss, Scientific American has this special report:
Since I've been following Weight Watchers 2009 Momentum Plan for a month now — and since I'm actually taking the time to (re)read all the books that come with it, I figured it couldn't hurt to "review" each week's materials. Because I am a firm believer that the program only works if you go to the meetings (after all, if you could lose the weight at home, you would have already lost it, wouldn't you?), and because I don't want to give away any secrets to non-members, I'll just go over it on a light sense. Although the intent isn't necessarily to drive you to a Weight Watchers meeting if you're not already going, I truly do believe in the program and think it will do virtually anybody who tries it a world of good. (If you'd like to read all my postings related to the Momentum in one click, follow this link. If you'd like to read about Weight Watchers new materials, follow this link.)
Book 2:
Activity Basics — START MOVING MORE
One of the changes that took place when Weight Watchers switched to the Momentum Plan is that they modified the Good Health Guidelines to now include "at least 30 minutes of activity a day on most days of the week." Weight Watchers has almost always (at least as far back as the eighties) included a push on activity, right down to the four-way approach they have at the beginning of their materials and on their flip charts we use to teach the members; but this is the first time they've included it in their Good Health Guidelines.
What does that mean?
Who would have ever thought I'd be upset about NOT being able to get to my Yoga class? Something is definitely askew!
Over two months ago now (can you believe it?), I started taking Yoga in order to deal with my borderline high blood pressure and advancing years. Also, it's something I've said I'm going to do for a long time. I bought Yoga DVDs and I was kinda, sorta, doing it every once in a little while; you know how it is. Anyway, in conjunction with the work I was kinda sorta doing with my kinda sort trainer, I committed to actually paying the monthly fee at Healthsport and getting involved in Yoga. One of the hardest things I have done was sign the little form authorizing them to take the money every month from my account. I wanted to do pay and play. No, that's not how it's done. Or maybe my trainer knew me too well and just didn't give me that option; food for thought…
So, class number one was a joke. First of all, I was wearing sweatpants so I was indeed… sweating. I don't like to sweat. I prefer to "glisten." However, the worst part about the sweating was that my palms got slippery and when you're engaged in the pose from hell (which they call "Downward Dog") and you have to rely on the palms of your hands to prevent you from sliding across the floor, the last think you need is moisture on your hands. I thought, "Oh my God! Save me! I'm never gonna make it." My arms ached. My legs hurt. My shoulders throbbed.
It might not have been so bad if I had a realistic expectation but I assumed it would be just standing around chanting while gracefully bending into relaxing life-affirming, all-mellow poses. (OK, I really didn't think that but I was hoping it would be.) Turns out I'm bending and stretching into positions that the human body finds someone counter-intuitive; or at least this 54 year old human body does.
"Put your arms here," the instructor would say, trying to guide me into a forward lunge.
"I'm trying, they don't go there."
"They will. Try this."
And with her gentle (?) assistance, I would reach further than I was designed to reach and proceed (partially due to the aforementioned sweaty palms) to be laying flat on my nose, feeling like a factory-reject Weeble, (you remember those round big-bottom heavy-weighted
toys that fell over all the time. "Weebles wobble but they don't fall
down." Although, I would fall down so I don't know why I felt like a
Weeble. Maybe it was that the pain was causing me to hallucinate.)
At session's end, I had aches in places where I didn't even know I had places. Raising my arms above my shoulders required assistance and my walk seemed to have developed a straight-legged lurching punctuated with "ouch" and "oof" every third footfall.
If this is what better health feels like, it's highly overrated. I'm so outta here…
And then, I heard the words I tell so many others when they're losing weight, "Be patient. Be kind to yourself. Take small steps. Go easy. Don't compare yourself to others." Besides, I thought, if I'm supposed to be someone who motivates others on how to make changes, it seems appropriate that I should be able to actually DO some of the changes.
Since I was on the "more mature" side of the attendees, I also consoled my aching muscles and hyper-stretched limbs by saying to myself, "The other people in the room admire you for trying to make changes at your age. They probably leave after class and say to each other, 'Did you see that old guy in there? You gotta admire a guy like that trying to do this at his age.'" That spurred me on a little. Who knows, they could have all been meeting standing around doing Warrior and extended Triangle poses and laughing at the old guy who keep toppling over, but what I don't know won't hurt me — so I assumed the former.
And also, I gotta tell you it is so much easier to tell someone else how to make a change than it is to actually do it yourself. Doing the walk is nowhere near as much fun as just blustering one's way through the talk.
Anyhow, back to the story
I know that if you schedule something, you're more inclined to do it. So, I opened my (not so trusty) Palm Treo and scheduled the Tuesday morning session from Hell for every week. Then, you know what? I decided, "Well, if I'm in for a dime, I'm in for a dozen." Corny expression; doesn't even make sense; but I added a Friday appointment. More importantly I went.
Different teacher, a little softer but still awkward. From there, I added Wednesday evenings. And now, it's become a routine.
My teacher asked me how I was feeling about the classes. I said, "I've gone from dreading them to just being worried about them." I assume that's improvement.
I am walking taller. A fellow staffer at the 2009 Weight Watchers conference (where they taught us the new Momentum plan) approached me and said I had a "great walk." She didn't know me. She didn't know I was in Yoga. But, it was great to hear because — well, because it was. I mean, who doesn't like compliments? (And I have a killer walk, I might add. You'd be jealous if you saw it. You'd say, "Wow! He might be clumsy in Yoga, but damn, what a gait!)
As things go, one class to another, one muscle to another, one pose into another. Cobra. High Lunge. Plank. Boat pose. Little by little they're shaping up. When I compare myself to the teacher (or most of the class, I feel like they're trying to bend a board. When I think about how far I've moved, I feel like ribbon. And I love the feeling of relaxation (and relief) when we finally get to Corpse pose (which is pretty much self explanatory).
So, why didn't I go?
I have a cold right now and I got all ready to go and then started a sneezing fit. My greater angels won out. I realized that I would consider it dedication. The others in my class would consider it rude. It's one thing to have a middle age guy who falls over all the time in the class; that might even be a little motivational in some unusual way. However, if he sneezing all over me, not so much.
So, I am at home writing this story; sharing with you and constantly watching the clock; feeling like I am really missing out on something; my yoga session. I would have never thought…
I didn't get to post yesterday because it was one of the those "crazy busy days" that periodically slap you upside the head. Deadlines and such kept me moving from before dawn to very late at night. However, I completed my first week on the new Weight Watchers Momentum plan, which I have been diligently following. As part of such diligence, I decided I would not step on a scale all week also. I tend to do that to give me an excuse to:
A) Be disappointed with my results and figure, "oh what the hell, I might as well eat"
– or –
B) Be excited with my results and figure, "Wow! I didn't think it would be going so well, I can eat more."
Either way, I end up the same: chubby. Gotta stop it. So I did. I figured I'd just wait it out and let the program do its job.
So it's with no small amount of consternation that I climb on the scale Tuesday at my meeting (which I might point out is AFTER lunch — yikes!). At first, I just kind of "tested the waters:" wearing my sweater, shoes, belt, etc. That looked OK. Then, I removed the "extra weight list"
- Sweater
- Shoes
- Belt
- Wallet
- Money clip
- Pen
- Spare change
I was alone in the room but I resisted the urge to strip down to my skivvies. There's a fine line between compulsive and obsessive and I tread it. Must be very careful, you know?
So, lo and behold, I was expecting three pounds, thought I might get four, really wanted five — and I got
I've been following the Momentum plan for a week now with my first weigh in in about one hour. (I think I might have lost 3-4 pounds, which for me is amazing!) Of course, in addition to following the program, I've conducted two (rather wobbly) "getting started sessions" for my members. Should you not be totally "up" on WW lingo, a "Getting Started Session"is the 30 minute session we do at the conclusion of the regular meeting. It's for new members. This week, which Weight Watchers calls "Conversion Week," we basically turn the entire meeting into a GSS.
I am what is called a "Diamond Leader." As near as I understand that, it means I'm in the top 20% of leaders in my area. I admit to being a little confused as to how that is determined but I'm still flattered and I've been a Diamond Leader for both years that it has been offered. I mention this not to brag — well, OK, maybe a little — but more so to point out that I am very comfortable with leading WW meetings. In my 20 years working for WW, I've probably conducted thousands of GSSs. Yet, for some reason, I'm awkward in doing this one. That said, last night I started getting my footing and I think that's because I finally decided that the changes from the Flex/Core plan to the Momentum Plan are more psychological than physical.
Don't get me wrong; that's not to say they are not substantial. Quite the contrary, you can change your actions all day and all night but if you don't change your thoughts, you'll still find yourself returning to old habits. Weight Watchers has always focused on habit change; that is not new. However, there seems to be more of an embrace this time.
Huh?
Yeah, right. OK, let me explain it a little better. The plan still uses points, which it has for the last decade or so. The daily points target, that amount you get each day, has not changed for any of my members. It's the same as it was in 2008. I have not noticed any major changes in points values of any foods. In my opinion, what has changed however, is the emphasis put on "filling foods," hunger levels, activity, and liquids.
Filling Foods
Alrighty then, I just finished watching the official DVD for the new Weight Watchers Momentum plan, which went live today. It's a video for leaders of how to do the "Getting Started Session" (which is how we explain the program to new members). I had seen it before at Innovations, but I wanted to make sure it all made sense. So, diligently, with my 2009 Weight Watchers leaders materials and my "read along" book, I watcher the trainer and leader on video show a roomful of new Weight Watchers members how to get started.My first meeting is Monday at noon so I needed to be ready. (She has some idiosyncrasies in her speaking that drive me crazy but aside from that, it was a good thing to watch.)
The biggest difference between the old and new Weight Watchers Plans?
Today’s winner of the no-duh award goes to the Kaiser Permanente study that found out that keeping a food diary doubles diet weight loss. OK, that’s a little mean because it is a valid study, but it shows that people who keep food diaries lose more weight than people who don’t. At WW, diaries, journals, or “quick track systems” as they’re now called, have been a staple of the program since I joined in 1971.
There was a also a study not too long ago that said that the reason so many people gain weight — or at least don’t lose it — is because people who DO NOT keep track of their fod intake tend to underestimate how much they eat. The New England Journal of Medicine said they eat by
as much as 47 percent more then they think they are eating and overestimate physical activity by as
much as 51 percent That’s an amazing statistic when you think of it.
Let’s say one only underestimates her intake by 25%. I mean that’s still a lot but less than the maximum. The average woman needs about 1200 to 1500 calories to maintain her weight. (To use a calculator to figure out what you need — your BMR — go to this post.) So, if she’s off by 25%, that’s about 300 to 400 calories a day. Since it takes 3500 calories to put on a pound, she’ll be putting on a pound about 10 days! (Sound familiar?)
By tracking what you eat, you become conscious and aware. That unto itself tends to slow down what you eat. (Even after maintaning my weight as long as I have, I still keep a food diary.)
So, what’s the comment in the headline about “dying young?”
OK, OK, I admit it — but don’t hold it against me because we all have our guilty pleasures. I’m just coming clean. Here goes: I like to watch American Idol! There, I said it! I’ve owned it. Now, I can take my horrible, awful secret out from the closet and boldly be who I am. Deal with it.
Anyway, my wife and I — oops, I just outed her too — like to watch the show because it really does showcase some incredible talent; we don’t care for all the squabbling and bickering among the judges. (And even though Simon Cowell has some valid criticisms, he does seem to take delight in being abrasive and we don’t like that either. Take that Mr. Big Shot Judge! Harrumph!)
Now that I’ve come clean, let me tie this into weight loss.
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