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Here I sit, having face-time with the perennial decision of any dieter, “Do I or don’t I?” Somebody said that foods made with salt, sugar, and fat are the most irresistible. Why not just call them what they are, “baked…
I don't know where this comes from but I found it at Weight Watchers today. I read it to the meeting. I had to share it. Enjoy.
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Q: Doctor, I’ve heard that cardiovascular exercise can prolong life; is this true?
A: Your heart is only good for so many beats, and that’s it… don’t
waste them on exercise. Everything wears out eventually. Speeding up
your heart will not make you live longer; that’s like saying you can
extend the life of your car by driving it faster. Want to live longer?
Take a nap.
Q: Should I cut down on meat and eat more fruits and vegetables?
A: You must grasp logistical efficiencies. What does a cow eat? Hay
and corn. And what are these? Vegetables. So a steak is nothing more
than an efficient mechanism of delivering vegetables to your system.
Need grain? Eat chicken. Beef is also a good source of field grass
(green leafy vegetable). And a pork chop can give you 100% of your
recommended daily allowance of vegetable products.
Q: Should I reduce my alcohol intake?
A: No,
not at all. Wine is made from fruit. Brandy is distilled wine, that
means they take the water out of the fruity bit so you get even more of
the goodness that way. Beer is also made out of grain. Bottoms up!
Q: How can I calculate my body/fat ratio?
A: Well, if you have a body and you have fat, your ratio is one to one. If you have two bodies, your ratio is two to one, etc.
Q: What are some of the advantages of participating in a regular exercise program?
A: Can’t think of a single one, sorry. My philosophy is: No Pain…Good!
Q: Aren’t fried foods bad for you?
A: YOU’RE
NOT LISTENING!!! …. Foods are fried these days in vegetable oil. In
fact, they’re permeated in it. How could getting more vegetables be bad
for you?
Q: Will sit-ups help prevent me from getting a little soft around the middle?
A: Definitely not! When you exercise a muscle, it gets bigger. You should only be doing sit-ups if you want a bigger stomach.
Q: Is chocolate bad for me?
A: Are you crazy? HELLO – Cocoa beans! Another vegetable!!! It’s the best feel-good food around!
Q: Is swimming good for your figure?
A: If swimming is good for your figure, explain whales to me.
Q: Is getting in-shape important for my lifestyle?
A: Hey! ‘Round’ is a shape!
Well, I hope this has cleared up any misconceptions you may have had about food and diets.
AND…..
For those of you who watch what you eat, here’s the final word on
nutrition and health. It’s a relief to know the truth after all those
conflicting nutritional studies.
1. The Japanese eat very little fat and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.
2. The Mexicans eat a lot of fat and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.
3. The Chinese drink very little red wine and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.
4. The Italians drink a lot of red wine and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans..
5. The Germans drink a lot of beers and eat lots of sausages and fats and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.
CONCLUSION
Eat and drink what you like. Speaking English is apparently what kills you.
My latest column came out today about what would the perfect day look like with regards to taking care of yourself. You can find it at http://www.times-standard.com/lifestyle/ci_12236306?source=rss I hope you enjoy.
Is it possible to have a perfect day on your diet?(online surveys)
My column for this week is a humorous rant about clothing store personnel. I hope you'll enjoy. follow this link
I know, I know, I'm doing these because I'm lazy. Well, it's not
exactly true, I'm just swamped. However, how can I disappoint Alison,
one of my most loyal (and favorite) followers, who says I'm not posting
enough. So, something is better than nothing — and this comic from one of my favorite comics, Bizarro seems so true these days.
Enjoy.
I saw this one while drinking my morning coffee. Almost spit it out — hysterical! And so true.
I feel for Oprah, really I do. I have had to battle weight my entire life and I've had ups and downs and back again. I also respect Oprah a great deal. Not only did she come from "nowhere" to become one of richest women on the planet, but she spends her energy for positive causes. She seems to remember from where she comes. I'm sure she has her dark side (as do we all), but for the most part, I think she's a positive contribution to our society. I also admire her willingness to be transparent with the issues and problems of her life. By putting them "out there," she makes it "OK" for the rest of us to accept our own problems. "If she — with everything she has — has problems, I'm not so bad myself," we say. That's inspiring. It's motivational. We move forward.
In a nutshell, we need more "Oprahs."
That said, I saw this clip on Larry King:
My reaction?
It's hard to believe that she didn't know this was a lifelong battle. We never get "over" weight issues; we merely get them under control. But control is illusive and it's fluid. Some days you have it; some days you don't. If you have it more days than you don't, you're in control. If you have it fewer than you do, you're out of control. We can very easily slip back into our old habits.
What to do about it?
Nope, neither do I! I went clothes "shopping" in the dark side of the closet; that section where old too-thin clothes go to hide and you say, "One of these days I'll get back into it." Well, it looks like "one of these days" was today for a nice blue pair of pants I really like!
After five weeks of following the new Weight Watchers Momentum Plan,
when I weighed in last week (my weigh in day is Tuesday), I had lost
another pound, making the grand total eight pounds!!! They say a safe
weight loss is 1-2 pounds a week and, despite the plateau for weeks 2,
3, 4, I'm doing just about the average.
I stood on the scale this morning and had to do a double take. I don't
get on the scale as much as I used to because I found myself obsessing
on it. If the loss is less than I am expecting, I feel bad and say, "Screw it, might as well eat…" If I'm doing well, I say, "Wow! I've got room to move. I can get a little sloppy." Either path leads to the kitchen, and before you know it, I'm eating again. So, I stay off the scale…mostly.
Since my weigh in day is Tuesday, I do tend to get a little antsy on Mondays, so I got on the scale this morning and couldn't believe my eyes! Lately, my morning naked weight (you know, trying to get the lowest possible number) had been around 184-186, which was too high. I got on the program again because early December, it got to 189 and that was just too freakin' scary. When I'm doing real well, my morning weight will be about 180-182. This morning, it was 178! I thought, "What? Is the scale broken?" I got off and on it three times just to make sure. It hasn't been under 180 in as long as I can remember!
Granted, since it seems appropriate to remove all my clothes for my Weight Watchers weigh in, I'll weigh four or five pound more. Still, it's all relative, isn't it?
So, what to do?
Well, the first thing is to run to the closet and dig into the way-back machine of clothing that's too frustrating to put on. There are about four or five shirts I used to like but the buttons pull across my chest or stomach now and it looks tacky. Not to mention, it reminds me that I need to lose weight. I also have about two or three pair of pants back there. The price for wearing them is that I must give up my attachment to breathing.
I tried on the brown ones; nice chocolate color and — without holding my breath or lying on the bed — they slipped right on but are a little short; a sign that I need to lose about two or three more pounds before I venture into the world wearing them. I could have but who needs to be self conscious all day because my pant legs are riding above my ankles? (We used to call those "high waters" when I was a kid and I hated it then.) So, I pulled out the blue ones; lo and behold – marvelous fit and the correct length. I can bend over and breathe! Praise the saints!
Well, with that victory under my belt (literally and figuratively), I needed a shirt and found one of my old favorites. It's been so long that I forgot I even had it. So, I'm wearing a Nehru jacket! (Naw, just joking, it hasn't been that long…) I found a blue and white vertical striped shirt with white color that I used to just love. Wearing it — with a dark blue tie. Looking and feeling fine!
Oh yeah, the coup de grace; I had to go down another notch in my belt!
It's that time of year again, and if you've followed what I do for any length of time, you know one of my pet gripes is all slimy "I'll-sell-you-anything-to-get-some-money-from-you" types that come out of the woodwork (especially this time of year). Of course, they wouldn't make a cent if it wasn't for the fact that people keep buying into it (literally and figuratively).
So, I'm looking at Newsweek and find this ad.
I am so tired of "do nothing" and lose all the weight you want scams! Now, of course, I am not saying this is a scam but I do find rather suspect for several reasons:
1) Do a Google news search for Irvingia and you find absolutely nothing. Wouldn't one think that if a new ingredient came out that "turned off one's fat switch," it would have made some news somewhere?
2) Ditto fucoxanthin. Worse than that, read what another blogger wrote.
3) The add says it boosts fat-burning at the cellular level — with a big ol' fatty asterisk next to it. A few comments here. First of all, where else would fat burning take place? The ligament level? The skeletal level? Fat is a cell. Any changes to fat would obviously take place at a cellular level. To me, that comes across as simply marketing hype.
Secondly, follow the asterisk to the bottom of the page where you will see "These statements have not been evaluated by the Food and Drug Administration." This basically means I can say anything because I've put the disclaimer on the bottom. Evaluate and then promote, not the other way around, please.
4) 28 pounds in 10 weeks is no big deal. A healthy, practical, natural weight loss would give you 15-20 pounds in that period and you would not have the added expense of this product. Plus, if you don't change your habits, no matter how fast the weight loss, you'll put the weight back on again anyway.
5) Footnotes 1-2 at the end of previous statement.
Footnote number 1 says "submitted for publication 2008" but it does not give any more information about that study. Footnote number 2 references the 5th International Conference for Chronic Diseases: Obesity and Related Diseases. I Google'd it. Couldn't find anything except information on the conference. No report. It doesn't mean it's not there, but — just me — I would be yelling this report from the rooftops.
And finally, the coup d'grace: Look under where it says, "Offer ends 3/31/2008" (which is weird because it was in a December, 2008 edition of Newsweek, but that could have been an error) and you will see these famous last words, "This supplement should be taken in conjunction with a healthy diet and regular exercise program."
Arrrgghgg! If one eats a healthy diet and exercises regularly, she won't need this!
OK, I'm done. You can remove the soapbox now. Thank you.
In case you want to know a whole heck of a lot about the science of weight loss, Scientific American has this special report:
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